‘Sorry boss didn’t mean to be late. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.’
‘Try me, Sanders.’
‘Uh. OK. You see it started out easy enough when I left the house. I got in the car, placed my briefcase on the passenger seat and messed with the mirrors after the wife had moved them the previous evening. Soon as I turned the key in the ignition though the air bag deployed in my face.’
‘Ah, that explains the cotton nose plugs then. I don’t see why you didn’t think I’d believe you.’
‘I’m not finished sir. So, air bag out and nose broken I decided to catch a bus. I rushed to the nearest stop to find it being demolished by a madman with a chainsaw. When he noticed me standing there his fury was redirected and with a terrifying, inhuman screech he came at me. So, I ran! Ran with all my might. He didn’t give up until two miles down the road when he became distracted by a puddle of oily water.’
‘My God!’
‘Indeed. He just stood there and stared at his reflection as I kept running. Once he was out of sight I stopped and got my breath back. Only then did I realise I had been running in the opposite direction from work.’
‘Well, that certainly is quite the tale, but I know you well Sanders and I believe you.’
‘Still not finished sir.’
‘Really?’
‘I’m afraid so.’
‘Dear me. Do go on.’
‘Right, where was I? Ah yes. Not wanting to go back the way I came for fear of the madman, I kept on in the direction I’d been running until I arrived at another bus stop, this one thankfully free of imbalanced individuals with power tools. I waited and waited for what felt like an age. I began to think there was no bus service running but just as I was about to lose all hope I spied my salvation on the horizon. Time seemed to slow as I waited in earnest for the bus to arrive at my stop, all the while looking around feverishly for the maniac’s return. Thankfully he was nowhere in sight when the bus finally pulled up and I quickly jumped on, paid the driver and found a seat. With a great sigh of relief, I relaxed and watched the world rush by until we came to another stop.’
‘Don’t tell me the maniac was there?’
‘Ha, no, thank the Lord. I admit I was looking for him the entire time, but we had passed the destroyed shelter already. The bus pulled up to the next stop and before I knew it some teenage thug ran past me and grabbed my briefcase as he legged it off the bus. I cried out in shock and no small amount of rage, leapt to my feet and gave chase. The thug was fast, in far better shape than I am but I still managed to stay on him for a good while. Eventually he must’ve thought it wasn’t worth the effort, so he threw my briefcase away and bolted off into a housing estate I’d rather never go into.’
‘So, you got your case back?’
‘Yes, in a way. He hurled it high and behind at just the right trajectory to connect with the top of my head. Feeling dazed and pained I lost my footing, tripped and pitched over a barrier on the side of the road. On the other side was a long drop down an embankment. The one just over there, you see?’
‘Oh my. You’re who Becky was talking about earlier.’
‘Must be. I tumbled over and over until I finally came to rest at the bottom, within eyesight of the main building. I thought all was well. Regardless of the bad start I’d made it. That lasted for about two seconds, when my briefcase caught up with me and delivered another punishing blow to the noggin. I think I blacked out for a bit then.’
‘And that was the end of it?’
‘Not quite. After coming to I tried to stand but found my knees buckling beneath me. It was an awful feeling, so I crawled through the undergrowth instead which was, uh, unpleasant. When I exited the thicket at the edge of the car park, I made another attempt to stand, this time finding my knees to be a bit more stable. I walked dazedly toward the front door, my spirits lifted as I knew my ordeal was over…’
‘And then?’
‘Well sir, you know that big glass door?’
‘…yes.’
‘I guess my spatial awareness had taken a bit of a beating through the morning what with the numerous blows to the old grey matter, so I didn’t gauge my distance quite right when I opened the door with a celebratory flourish. I pulled it right into my face with enough force to spider-web the glass and knock myself backwards just as Johnson pulled up on his bicycle. It uh, it got me right between the legs.’
‘Pardon my French but holy shit, that’s quite the crucible you’ve been through. I think you should get yourself to the hospital, they need to make sure that egg of yours hasn’t cracked old boy.’
‘To be honest sir I’m petrified of going outside. I know I’m late, but would it be too much to ask to have an hour to pull myself together before I start meeting clients?’
‘Well. I must say. Well yes of course, take all the time you want but I really think you should seek medical attention.’
‘I will sir if I feel woozy.’
‘Hmm. I don’t think I’m OK with this but I can’t force you. Carol?’
‘Yes sir?’
‘Could you work your magic and move Sanders’ appointments around a bit? He needs an hour free.’
‘Sir?’
‘Yes? What? What’s wrong Carol?’
‘Nothing, it’s just. Mr. Sanders doesn’t have any meetings today; he’s listed as on annual leave until next Wednesday.’